Following the loss of Emily I’m doing things I never thought I would or could, and it is only because I believe in what we are doing. I had nowhere to sit and hold my husband, nowhere to sit together with our stillborn daughter and nowhere to hold my son Finlay when he came to see me.
We received fantastic care when we lost Emily but I stayed just one night after giving birth to Emily by cesarean section. I was scared to come home, I didn’t feel ready, I didn’t want to leave my daughter but sadly that was better than staying surrounded by the vision of the delivery room and the sounds of other women in labour, crying babies and the joy & celebration of other families having their babies when my world had crumbled.
It is truly devastating to lose a child and families need a place to grieve and some shelter from the outside world at this time. I was shocked to discover how frequent stillbirths occur and given this we are let down within Nottingham not to have facilities for families in our position.
To raise awareness of stillbirth and create a tranquil space for families following the loss of their baby has to be the right thing to do. It doesn’t stop us struggling through this and it doesn’t make it easier. I don’t know how to deal with losing my daughter I just want the pain to go, I want my family to be happy again, I want my emotional wound to stop hemorrhaging but I have to believe that as time passes we will find happiness and for now I have to believe that despite all this we have an opportunity to draw on our devastation and make things just a little better for others in the future who will sadly walk our path.