Today we went to see the Child Bereavement Services, to see if they could help us to help Finlay with some of the issues he is trying to deal with…they were fab, so helpful and to be honest very reassuring that even in the darkest moments, we are doing the right things and that our reactions are perfectly normal too. It could still be another eight weeks before Finlay starts getting actual support but at least progress is being made :)
As a family I feel we have made some huge steps forward, we starting to address a lot of things as the six month anniversary looms over us, including what we do with the nursery. Initially the nursery was a place where we could sit and reflect, but more recently it has become a room that has passed its 'use by date' yes, we could still use it to think about Em, but she is never going to fill the cot or need changing nor am I ever going to be able to rock her to sleep in the nursing chair - so why keep it? It wasn't easy but we've made the move, frankly we have so much to keep for Forever Stars, we need the space and it seems quite appropriate that Em's room is used for Forever Stars.
We've also agreed more or less of the grave stone and wording, this has been a huge decision, it is the last major purchase for Emily and I so want it to be right, I will post an image of her grave when it is completed, like these blogs, it is sometimes good to see the reality behind Forever Stars and believe me there is nothing more real than standing at the grave of your stillborn child. The wording we have picked is simple 'Emily Daniels our beautiful daughter and much loved sister…Held briefly in our arms and forever in our hearts' we have also added 'A little girl who inspired so many' followed by the Forever Stars logo - after such a lot of discussion, this simple tribute feels absolutely perfect.
In just nine days time we will have reached the six month milestone, yes my heart is still broken, yes my life has changed forever, yes I am still asking why but more than anything, I'm trying to make the positives count both from my wonderful family and the amazing achievements of Forever Stars.