Today, I am delighted to write that baby Jack became the newest arrival in the family, with Mum and baby doing well :)
Whilst I'd been trying to prepare myself for Jack's arrival any day, when that text came through tears filled my eyes, both with relief and joy for his arrival and deep deep heartache that I wasn't able to send such text messages to my family and friends when Emily arrived.
Through blurry eyes I wrote a text message back offering my heartfelt congratulations, yet I could feel every inch of me wanting to cry out - what have I done to deserve this?!
That feeling of being robbed of something so precious is yet again at the forefront of my mind, I can see Emily wrapped in her little blanket again being passed to us as they continue to stitch Michelle up following the C section, as if it were yesterday.
It is days like this when I wonder if my mind will ever allow me to stop being upset or stop questioning 'why us?' the sad truth is it probably wont.
Jack's birth has also got me thinking about how I will feel when and if we ever have another baby... we already know the pregnancy will be void of the fun normally attached to expecting the sound of tiny feet but now I wonder if those first few moments of looking at their fresh face will be filled with upset at the loss of what we should have had with Emily.
I've cried so much since we lost Emily, I sometimes wonder if I'm contributing to the floods!
I've also been doing my bit for Forever Stars today, meeting with Shelley at the EMCC - it is looking highly likely that the gala dinner of the year is going to take place there on the 3rd October... confirmation coming soon!!