Being a Dad in our situation, we're very often forgotten or it is assumed we have 'got over' losing our baby, I know from my discussions with many fathers who have been in the same situation, it is very rare that we ever 'get over' the loss and eventually it comes back and sometimes breaks us; particularly if you are the sort who can't talk about the loss or even cry about it - as you'll all be very aware I can both talk and cry about Emily with great ease!
Last week was a personal battle, struggling to know whether I was starting to get depressed about our loss or indeed whether I was just going through what everyone goes through but expecting too much from myself, in all honesty it is probably a little bit of both. Tiredness doesn't help but seeing Michelle and Finlay have their personal battles with their emotions and not being able to do anything but 'be there', is heart breaking, it almost feels like we are being punished twice.
We're just 17 days away from the 6 month milestone since we lost Emily, I can't believe it will be 6 months since I sat in the QMC looking at her beautiful face praying for a miracle to happen, I must admit I've stopped wondering 'what she would have been doing today' each day, it achieves nothing but hurt and I'm still proud of her regardless. (Even now she is Daddy's little girl, so goodness knows how protective and doting I would have been) I achieved a huge milestone today when I went to the photography shop to have some pictures of Emily developed, they'll never be made public but having the photo's that I took of her developed was really important to me, and has already become one of the most treasured items I possess.
Thankfully, I'm back in the positive zone again, I can't predict how long that will last but what I can predict is that with every growing chapter of this story, I get more proud of the work we are doing for Forever Stars, more proud of my amazing wife and so blessed to have Finlay.
So often we get busy and think about how our glass is half empty compared to others, when really the trick is to share lots of bottles with lots of people, then it doesn't matter how much is in your glass, cause there is always a top up waiting!
We yet again been having some great support from people and businesses around Nottingham and further afield, and the support from Tesco in Beeston during the bag packing event amazing and was again very emotional just because of the overwhelming support from people - what a result to get over £1,000 in 6 hours of bag packing!